While not everyone’s idealistic, most people just want to get ahead and feel good about themselves in doing so. Problems arise when: people are measured on the work other people do, and when people are rewarded for goals that distort the system.
The first issue affects ALL managers and some leaders. If you organization holds you ‘accountable’ for the results that your team achieves, that is often a setup for blame. No one can actually make anyone do anything and that’s where leadership style enters the picture. If a manager or leader believes that their value is based on the results of others that is inherently a powerless feeling. What do you do? Do you harass, cajole, bribe, yell, shout or punish others into submission? Is micro management the answer?
The second issue comes when results are measured either by amount or by revenue. Both of those measure encourage people to game the system since the ‘how’ is not measured or even discussed only the amount is deemed important. In these situations the ‘leadership’ style is often rationalized by the results it achieves. If the goals are met and the rewards acquired, then all is good.
Trust is a funny thing, we often put our ‘trust’ into something or into a person and then we never reflect to see if that ‘trust’ is actually vindicated. Trust is often confounded with loyalty and that can make us blind to the facts and prevent us from seeing what’s happening, on the ground.
I’ll be doing a webinar soon on trust and leadership. If this is of interest, please click this link and tell me what questions you’d like explored or what areas would be most valuable to you to be addressed.
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Some animals have cells that are not programmed to age, therefore they can live until they are killed or eaten by someone or something else. Both the Hydra and the Turritopsis dohrnii Jelly Fish do not die unless they are eaten or become diseased. Many other animals can live hundreds of years, the Bowhead Whale, the Red Sea Urchin, and the Aldabra Giant Tortoise to name a few. Trees are known to live thousands of years. We live an average of 79 years and the longest lived human lived 122 years. This is an improvement over our 47-year average life span in 1900.
What if we could repair our DNA and keep our cells from aging so that we could live 6500 years. Would YOU want to live 6500 years? How about 200 years? Why or why not? Turtles and trees just live. I have to believe that they get joy from just being alive. They ‘neither toil nor do they spin’ yet they find life worthwhile, enough to keep doing it long after we throw in the towel. How would your life change if you knew you would be around 2-300 years or 6500 years even?
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I was ruminating on why we form relationships – specifically why do we marry? When we are young children are a biological push and to a certain extent property and status are social pushes. So I put these aside and thought about those folks whose relationship really seems to work. What I’ve noticed is that there is an appreciation of each other that appears to give each of them a freedom to be themselves. Their very differences are what make the relationship strong. They have learned to see the value in the others difference and they even come to depend upon that difference at times.
What would happen if we saw 'marriage' as more of a partnership? What would happen if we saw our other relationships as more like a 'marriage?' Maybe the key is looking at building a long-term asset/value. Not all relationships have to be a 10 to be perfect as they are, but the commitment to maintain over the long-term needs to be shared.
Relationships are curious things. We come to them with so many preconceived notions, expectations and desires. What would happen if we became curious about our partner? Curious about who they are and why they do what they do, willing to explore in order to understand and then be willing to express delight in the unique person they are?
This led me to think about how inherent in their appreciation was a deep respect. I believe it is possible to respect someone and not appreciate them, but I don’t think you can appreciate someone and NOT respect them. What do you think?
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Habits, we all have habits. Habits are, ideally, shortcuts to behavior we find useful. Once we make something a habit we can do it without thinking, we put it on automatic pilot. The problem, of course is that some habits are not our friends and we find ourselves doing things we’d rather not do, or that have bad or inconvenient consequences for us. Habits can hijack our best-intended behavior.
Our brain is a willing partner in helping us form habits. The neurons in our brain have dendrites at the end. Information jumps from the dendrites of one neuron to the dendrites of another. If we do something over and over we collect a lot of neurons that are engaged in making that activity happen. If we do it really, really often then the brain figures that this is important and to make it happen even easier it covers these neurons with white stuff called myelin. It’s a bit like paving a highway versus a muddy road, same path, but you can go faster.
Get angry a lot? What about those ‘hot buttons?’ See a spider and scream? Each of these denotes a myelin-paved path that the brain has made very easy for that information to go down. These experiences are sometimes called an amygdala hijack. They happen fast and make us feel like we are out of control.
Being ‘out of control’ is sort’a true, but the good news is that you can get that control back. Neuroplasticity – the ability of your brain to change, is something that you can actually stimulate. In doing so you actually change the structure of your brain. This is what happens when you consciously decide to ‘break’ a habit.
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